from Katrina Underwood: everyone wants my debt

Can debt be claimed as an asset?

I get cards in the mail like valentines from sweethearts that contain no physical form. They arrive on that nice, thick cardstock that says, This is serious. Life or death. Perhaps a funeral or a wedding. Your life, someone’s life, is about to change.

I’ve been invited to apply, like some kind of exclusive party. Except the party isn’t exclusive. It’s been going on for a long time, so why do we all feel so special when we see the word exclusive dancing across the page?

The invitation reads: You should never have to wonder if you’re missing out on the benefits you deserve. I bet you say that to all the girls. There’s an overly personal tone that both annoys and intrigues you, and before you know it, you buy into it.

What do I deserve? so quickly becomes I do deserve. I am deserving. Why not me?

Vintage lingerie, limited edition eye makeup palettes, small-batch wallpaper with copper undertones that accent middle-class aspirations. All the consumer goods that will tell people who I am without having to exchange words of any kind.

What makes one deserving of debt?

It will be stated that this is a limited-time offer. There is an air of coercion. You’re the one standing in front of your dreams, baby. Pressure and manipulation masked as a missed opportunity. This is a limited-time offer, and Daddy isn’t joking. The clock is ticking.

Tick.

We Discover
We Chase
We Freedom

Discover doesn’t judge. They don’t care what kind of person you are. Good. Bad. Ugly. It doesn’t matter. But these aren’t just innocent admirers; they are obsessive zealots. Reverse sugar daddies. They are, in fact, vampires who want to suck you dry.

They fight for me. They are neither smooth nor subtle. They want it. If this was a boy, I would have blocked him ages ago. Reported him. Gotten a restraining order. You’re coming on a little desperate. I bet if I told J.P. Morgan himself to let me spit in his face, he’d take it like the desperate, debt-hungry whore he is.

He’d eat it up.